Halv of my life I believed “my thoughts” and “my emotions. That was true to me then, my truth. It meant that I took my thoughts seriously, as if I were what my thoughts said about me and that others were what my thoughts said about them. The same applied to my thoughts about the whole world. The thoughts also brought with them a whole set of emotions, which I thought I could not control. Feelings just happened. I also believed that, that was me. That it could not be changed. A bit like an excuse too not to have to see something in myself or let me experience something painful. But my thoughts created pain in me, in every way. The feelings were painful and I didn't want to feel them. So I did everything for to avoid feeling the pain.
Later my inner journey began, my path of self-development, transformation, personal development. Then my thoughts and feelings almost became my enemies. Something that I wanted to get rid of, that I would rule over, something that I would ignore and in that way I judged my thoughts and feelings. It was like the ego was something I had to cut away from me, the ego and its thoughts and associated feelings. OMG, I spent a lot of energy into trying to get rid of the ego, to resist certain (larger) parts of myself.
Today I understand that we are not here to get rid of something, judge or criticize any part of us. That thoughts and feelings come and go, always. That all thoughts are ok, all feelings as well. I understand that certain thoughts and feelings are part of me, part of Jaana. Parts that she has embraced, absorbed, learned and made into patterns, habits and beliefs, probably when she was little. "She" is a system consisting of a set of behavior and thought patterns and emotional reactions. But that "she" is a tiny part of the larger, the soul, the higher self and that bigger part of her has room for everything that "she" is. I usually visualize for myself a large blank paper, where I draw a small dot with the pen in the middle. A mini dot that represents "me", my thoughts, everything I believe, everything I "know", everything I feel, how I behave, my memories, my thoughts about others and the world, my feelings, fears, shame and guilt. Yes, the whole package fits in the little dot. The rest of the paper is everything in the entire universe, everything I can't even imagine like magic, infinite possibilities and potential, "god", abundance, unconditional love, dimensions, frequencies, vibrations, quantum physics, etc
Today I don't react to every thought as if they were true or important to me. A thought is a passing event, which I can look at, observe what it awakens in "me" and let it continue its journey. They are like furniture in a store that I walk through, all the furniture is ok as well as what they awake in me. Nothing to take personally or get caught up in, nothing to fuss about or complain about. Some make a stronger impact and that's ok, even a few hours later. Sooner or later, both the thought and the feeling have subsided without me having to "do something" about them. It is precisely this doing that I have stopped, now I am just a space for thoughts and feelings. Sure, I might feel disappointment or frustration, but it's something that happens temporarily in me. I "am" not frustrated or disappointed, but these feelings are happening in me. I love this story (probably a Buddhist image) about emotions knocking on the door and you open the door and you invite them for a cup of tea. You are friendly, you are interested, and you have compassion for these short-term visitors.
There is no resistance in me, to thoughts or feelings that visit me from time to time. I am the space for all this going on in that tiny point in the center of ME. I am sooooo much more than the little dot, which used to be all I thought I was, like my whole world and I was ruled by this dot. Now I am a space for the small point to exist in without defining myself as it. Jaana is in the small dot, her identity and personality. All of this is part of the big whole, the soul, my higher self, the god part of me.
Suddenly life is so much simpler, easier, calmer and filled with peace and balance. Where the past feels like a movie I've seen and the future is just a passing thought because right now, I'm here. There is nothing to resist or anything I have to DO, because everything is done through me, in its time and in a way that seems to suit me. I don't need to avoid anything or anyone, not remove, get rid of, hide or suppress. Nothing to complain about, criticize or judge. I am what I am, I am where I am, it is as it is and everyone is as they are, even the world. Exciting and fun life we live.